Friday, April 22, 2011

Happy Good Earth Friday Day

As a wise man once said: "One thing -- depending on the thing -- can be good. Two things -- once again, depending on the things -- can be even better." We have found ourselves in such a glorious, rare situation today. Today is both Earth Day and Good Friday (listed alphabetically in order to adhere to The Ducks' policy on fairness, equality and whatnot).

Side note: Adding "As a wise man once said" to anything gives it a greater sense of credibility, I find.

The two holidays have gallantly merged forces and settled on April 22nd this year to become something inherently greater than their individual selves. (Or it just happens to be coincidence that they fall on the same day this year... but that would be a preposterous notion, if I ever heard one.)

So I want to extend a warm "Happy Good Earth Friday Day" to all my readers and followers and the other three people in this world who are not part of either of those categories.

For the non-Catholic/non-Environmentalist readers, I still bid you a pleasant day and suggest that you feel free to revel in the celebration... much like non-Christians do for Christmas and the non-Jewish do for Passover.

(Wait... What's that you say? Passover hasn't veered into the secular realm the same way?? I don't believe it, but if it's true -- long shot -- surely it has nothing to do with the consumerist appeal of Christmas.)

Moving along...

In spite of the good cheer normally presented on Good Earth Friday Day, the French are pissed. (And rightfully so, I might add.) Apparently, the riot police in France are no longer allowed to have a glass of wine or beer -- please note that I didn't say "and/or," which is a travesty in and of itself -- with their lunches.

This morning, while getting a thoughtful Good Earth Friday Day gift for my wife (read as "picking up coffee, as I would on a non-super-holiday"), I listened to an NPR interview conducted with an irate Frenchman over this very matter.

Since all other government officials -- including police of the non-riot variety -- are allowed (encouraged??) to have a drink at lunch, riot police should, too... evidently. For it not to happen in this manner means that the one group is unequal to the others and this is unacceptable. Additionally, it means that the government is not following their own rule: "Everyone should drink some alcohol at lunchtime, especially those who operate heavy machinery, operate on people, govern the land and/or make wine." (You are impressed with my vast knowledge of French law, no doubt.)

The gentleman being interviewed was, understandably, quite upset. His British interviewer, though, was wondering what kind logical reason there would be for riot police to drink on working hours. It was kindly pointed out that "lunch time" is not actually working hours. (That is some bloody brilliant reasoning prowess right there.) The interviewer pressed on until the Frenchman surrendered. "They should drink at lunch because everyone else does," was his (somewhat paraphrased) answer.

Maybe I need to move to France...

In other news, a topic that is currently trending on is "Mandy Moore's hair." Now, I have to admit that -- like the billions of other people captivated by this fascinating topic -- I've searched for Mandy Moore's hair. Turns out it's on top of her head. (Who woulda guessed?)

Final thought for the day... As a wise man once said: Mandy Moore's hair is awesome.

Happy Good Earth Friday Day, all you party people!

NOTE: I know that Good Friday is not only for those of Catholic faith, but to have said "non-Christian" twice, instead of mixing it up, just didn't flow as well. If you were offended, I kindly offer a full money-back guarantee. Contact our Complaint Department at Thank you. - Mgmt

Monday, April 18, 2011

Climbing Back

"They" were right... these blog posts aren't going to write themselves!

It's been awhile, but I'm back. (And just in time to make some Charlie Sheen jokes... Wait, what's that you say? Old news?? Hmmmmm. I suppose I can provide insightful commentary on that whole Nipplegate fiasco, then. I bet Justin Timberlake's career is over after that scandal. What? He was in a critically-acclaimed motion picture?? *shakes head in disbelief*)

So where have I been? Well, climbing back after dropping off the face of the earth isn't an easy task to do. First, one must find the edge of the earth. Then, he must be foolish enough to drop (or be pushed). Finally, he must find the intestinal fortitude to climb back up.

"What does that even mean?"

I am moving in a new career direction and it hasn't been easy.

"Oh. Why not just say so in the first place?'

Well, you guys know how I roll here at the Ducks. (Like starting a sentence with "Well," twice in the same post. Who else could possibly pull that off? Maybe Shakespeare? Possibly a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters? Probably Charlie Sheen! Other than that, no one.)

Yes! I worked my Charlie Sheen bit in today. That, my friends, is winning.