20 Questions

In my previous post, we were working on constructing a bio for the Ducks Guy (aka, me). All in all, I think we were able to take my life's story and compress it into a couple of paragraphs – Wikipedia-style. That's fine and dandy (as all the cool kids are saying), but it really doesn't get to the core of who I am. Nice job of saying where I came from, no doubt, but not where I am now. So let's do this... chain-email style!

Cut and paste, put in your own answers and send to all your friends! If you do, there is a good chance you'll win the lottery, just like Travis N. of sunny California. He filled out the questionnaire, sent it to all the contacts in his email account and won the state lottery two hours later... without even buying a ticket. But don't be like Walter M.! Poor Wally failed to fill this out and forward to everyone he knows. Two hours later, he was walking down a street in Denver, CO when he was eaten by a shark. (Maybe it was a pack of wild mongooses? Vicious kittens? Hungry humanitarians?) (Well, if vegetarians eat vegetables...)

So make sure you send this to everyone you ever met! (Not really. We're just channeling the spirit...)

1) What are you currently wearing? Uh, what kind of perverted survey is this?

2) What is the last food you ate? Breakfast was peanut butter on a chewy granola bar, banana and chocolate milk.

3) What is your favorite food? Hmmmmm. Probably something distinguished and culinary... A dish meant for kings... The food they most likely serve in Heaven... Pizza!

4) Who is your favorite Backstreet Boy? Who can pick just one? (Not this guy.)

5) If you could be any historical figure, who would it be? Justin Beiber.

6) What are your top five favorite movies? This is a good one, because I used to have a definite list (Shawshank Redemption, True Romance, The Princess Bride, Get Shorty, and Glory), but there are several movies I’ve rather enjoyed since I last evaluated that list (probably around 2000).

Memento and The Dark Knight both come to mind as deserving consideration. I might have to take out “The Princess Bride” because now that I have finally read the book, the movie doesn’t compare. I mean, the movie is great (well, it was a top-five of mine for years...), but the book is simply fantastic. Let’s also take out “Get Shorty,” because the sequel was awful.

So we have: Shawshank, The Dark Knight, True Romance, Memento and Glory. Probably in that order. The Princess Bride and Ocean’s Eleven – the Clooney/Pitt version – just miss the cut.

7) What was your childhood dream job? President/scientist/professional baseball player. (Preferably, all at the same time...)

8) Did you ever get that job? Kind of… I mean, I pretty much consider myself to be the President and "playing rec league soccer” is very similar to “playing professional baseball” when you get down to it.

9) What is your favorite color? Blue. Some people think there is a correlation between favorite color and personality types. From my end, this holds true. Blue is supposed to be a mellow, peaceful kind of color and I think those are generally good descriptions of me (unless I’m driving or playing soccer...).

10) Most embarrassing habit? I’d need to think about this a little more, but I’m ashamed that I sometimes yell bad things at other drivers. (Always with my window rolled up and never with the intent that they actually hear me.) I would never do anything like that in any other circumstance, but there is a certain impersonal nature with regard to driving. I don’t know the people and they probably don’t know that I’m swearing at them. I still feel bad about it and have worked on – and continue to do so – toning it down.

11) Seriously, what historical figure would you be? (We are not accepting “Justin Beiber.”) Fine, if I had to pick someone from history, I’d be Jack Kerouac. He’s my favorite author of all time (although, Colson Whitehead is closely encroaching that hallowed ground...) and he hung out with quite the characters back in the day. Plus, he played football for his college. So writing and sports? Two loves of mine? Sign me up.

Now, Kerouac died kind of young (47) and in a somewhat grotesque manner (internal bleeding due to vast amounts of alcohol consumed), but I think he got a pretty decent value out of those forty-seven years.

12) What famous person do people say you look like? Well, I get a couple of different answers. Daniel Craig came up a bunch after the “Casino Royale” (James Bond) movie came out. I’ve also gotten: Matthew McConaughey, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Ryan Reynolds, Denzel Washington, Selma Hayek, and Oprah.

13) What is your favorite sport to watch? Professional football, although Dancing with the (not really) Stars is also pretty good. I mean, how can anyone not want to watch “Star” Bristol Palin dancing? (Noah Webster will forever be restless in his grave for our blatant misuse of the word “star.”) Note: I definitely do not watch DWTS. (As far as you know.)

14) What is your favorite sport to play? Truthfully, I love participating in most athletic competition. I’ve been playing soccer consistently for the past six years or so and that has to be near the top of the ranks. But I really love beach volleyball. That would have to rank as #1. Football and basketball are also up there. If I was in better swimming shape (completely different than being in just regular good shape, which – more or less – I am...), I’d have water polo up there. But, alas, I don’t have the swimming endurance at this time in my life.

15) Who is least likely to return this? Um, I’m not really sending this to anyone, soooooo... everyone in the world ties for “least likely to return this.” (Your certificates of achievement are in the mail.)

16) Who let the dogs out? Still trying to answer that myself. (Note: I love the fact that the Baha Men won a Grammy award for that song. I don’t remember what the category was, but they can always be referred to as “the award-winning Baha Men.”)

17) If you could have any superpower, what would it be? The ability to give birth. Actually, no. (Note: I have the utmost respect for all the ladies out there who’ve done that. I have no idea how you all have that kind of strength and willpower.)

My superpower would be the ability to train my pets to be successful day traders, obviously.

I’d walk in the door and say “Tweak Dog, show me how much money you made today.” She’d show me her computer screen and I’d see that she made two-hundred thousand dollars on the day. I’d say “Good girl,” and then give her a treat.

Then I’d say “Kitty Meow, show me how much money you made today.” Kitty would show me her computer screen – yes, all the pets would have laptops – and I would see that she also made two-hundred thousand dollars on the day. I’d pet her furry little head and say “Good girl,” and then give her a cat treat.

Then I’d say “Captain Cat, show me how much money you made today.” The Captain would quickly run under the bed, as she likes to do, and I’d look at her screen. No money. So I’d shrug my shoulders and say “Well, two out of three ain’t bad.”

Yes, that would definitely be my superpower and I’d use my newfound wealth to stop crime (probably) and buy me some Taco Bell. (Even rich folks love Taco Bell... I assume.)

18) How many fingers am I holding up behind my back? What?! C’mon, now! That isn’t even fair. I’m just sitting here at the computer and all I can see is a screen. Any number I give is going to be a guess. Although, if you were standing in front of me in real life, your hands would be behind your back, so it’s not really that different, I suppose. Okay. Eight.

19) Are you a morning person or a night person? I like to think of myself as a person, regardless as to what time of day it is. What a silly question.

20) Have you ever created a list of questions similar to ones that are forwarded around for people to answer and pass along to friends and family in order to have creative content for a blog post? No. (As far as anyone knows...)