Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Ducks Guy Makes New Year's Resolutions

Given that it's already the 6th and this year is no longer as fresh as mountain air, I should really get around to making some resolutions. You, the esteemed readers, are welcome to come along for the ride. Actually, you are "strongly encouraged" to come along for the ride. Well, that and still "welcome."

("Okay, we get it. We're both welcome and strongly encouraged.")

(I never wavered in my belief that you'd pick up on that.)

Anyhow, let's start coming up with those resolutions!

1) No more procrastinating (says the man who is doing his New Year's resolutions on the sixth). Yeah, the odds of me sticking to this one are about as slim as any of those Twilight actors winning an academy award for those movies. (The acting in the Twilight movies is -- at the very best -- not good.)

(Note to all my readers from the Michigan Water Polo Association: The "at the very best -- not good" reference was clearly for you guys.)

So we need a more realistic #1 New Year's resolution:

1) No more procrastinating... some of the time. That's more like it. (From somewhere in the distance, I hear a woman -- who may or may not be the wife -- rolling her eyes.) (Yes, my ears are that good.)

2) Set my targets low enough and come up with achievable goals. You know, if I had just made this my first resolution and put off the amended #1, I'd be two-for-two on the resolutions so far in '11. Oh well. I can't possibly change this now. (My delete and backspace buttons are broken... as far as you know.)

3) Don't commit any drive-by shootings. This might seem like an easy one, but it is. (See resolution #2.)

4) Return my library books on time. Okay, this will be significantly harder than the previous resolution and might be a tad unrealistic. So let’s modify this one:

4) Return my library books on time... some of the time. Much better!

5) Give myself lots of praise. This is probably one of the greatest resolutions ever made. Good job, me. You are awesome.

6) Give my readers lots of praise. Good job reading, guys. I love the way you go from one word to the next, in order! Fantastic!

7) Leave the reader wanting more. (Note to self: Don't forget to tell them about your daring adventure in the Himalayas when you had to rescue that tiny village from terrorism, global warming and sharks that ate random people on the street.)

8) Finish things you start. This might be


  1. At least you made an attempt at resolutions. You are way ahead of me. Give yourself some more praise.

  2. So an employee gave me a Christmas gift for my kids on the 5th of January. (Seriously above and beyond and I was more than happy to accept them late and I didn't actually see her until the 4th, so it wasn't entirely her fault)

    She was joking about how one of her coworkers gave her crap about it being late on the 29th. In her home country of Brazil, she said that they celebrate Christmas til the 6th because that's when The Wise Men visited Christ.

    Therein lies your Procrastination were technically early in Brazil since Christmas is celebrated til the 6th and New Years I'm pretty sure goes on til Mardi Gras.


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