Thursday, May 27, 2010

Major Announcement

I'm not sure if Thursday is the right day of the week to launch this bombshell (yes, that's for all you Nancy Grace lovers out there), but I figure this will impact hundreds of millions of schedules worldwide and it should be conveyed ASAP.

Note: If someone is googling "Nancy Grace lovers" I hope this post pops up as the number one page. It'll be an Internet phenomenon the likes of which the world has never seen... well, since the whole Tiger Woods thing. And you heard it here first!! Let it never be said that the Ducks is not the foremost source of relevant news in the world.

Note to the Note: I have no knowledge of any potential Nancy Grace "lovers" out there. So, Nancy, please don't sue me for defamation of character or anything. I think you are probably a fine, upstanding woman who should not be mentioned in the same breath (or paragraph) as El Tigre Woods.

p.s. Your twins are the most precious beings to call this little planet of ours home.

Note to the non-Nancy Grace watchers out there:
Every caller to her show starts his or her (usually "her," I've noticed) call by sucking up to Ms. Grace and talking about how precious her twins are... and then they usually say something about her kids. (I'll be here all weeks, folks...) Seriously, though, she draws more brown-nosers than an A-list actor walking into a Hollywood meeting.

[Brad Pitt walks into Hollywood meeting room]

Brown-noser #1: Brad, your beard looks fabulous.
Brown-noser #2: You make the whole "homeless" look very chic and sexy.
Brown-noser #1: I would make out with you right now, and I'm not even gay.
Brad Pitt: Fellas, fellas, fellas. I'm just a dude with some facial hair.
Brown-noser #2: Brad, I'm not even worthy of being in the same room as you.

[Brown-noser #2 runs out of the room, into the street and is promptly hit by a bus.]

Brad Pitt: That was tragic.
Brown-noser #1: Your powers of observation must be heaven-sent. I'm in love.

Alright, back to the lecture at hand. [Quadruple reader points for anyone who picks up on the reference.]

Major news! I've been fairly sporadic with the posting here at the Ducks until last week. Last week I went five-for-five in weekday posts. That was certainly fun for all of us, but it's not great for my productivity as a whole. As such, I've determined to follow a specific schedule.

Starting Wednesday next week, Ducks will be new every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Three days a week seems like a manageable schedule.

There will be a new post tomorrow. Monday may or may not have one, on account of the holiday. I was thinking about doing something with the theme of "remember what this day is all about," but that might be a bit more "preachy" than I generally aim for here.

We'll see.

In the meantime, clear your entire schedules for all Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays over the next couple of years. Thank you.

Disclaimer: Everything in this post was intended for nonsensical purposes, except for the scheduling update. All thoughts expressed are solely my ideas and opinions. No factual basis was used in the writing of this post. I do not know Nancy Grace, Brad Pitt or any respective lovers, haters or brown-nosers of either celebrity. No one was harmed in the writing of this post, except the guy who was hit by a bus. He was harmed pretty sufficiently.


  1. Nancy Grace is one of the few people in this world who incites as much violence by merely opening her mouth as she scathingly wags her finger at. I could safely say that the cast of the Hills makes me want to impale myself with a sword less than she does. Pretty sure my head would explode if I had Nancy, Heidi and Spencer in the same room.

    Cheers to the new schedule!


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