Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Facebook: The Musical

This past weekend I saw "Inception" and one of the previews beforehand was for "The Social Network." I'm not sure why they don't just call it "Facebook: The Movie." (Seems like it would break things down for those with simpler understanding of things. Those who would decide to take a donkey parasailing, as an example.)

The tagline for "The Social Network" is something along the lines of "You don't get 500 million friends without making a few enemies." Now, that's a great tagline. I mean, it conveys significance -- 500 million friends!! -- and conflict in one fell swoop. Love the tagline... except that rather liberal use of the word "friend."

Relevant segue: An important part of life for me is authenticity. I'm not going to use the term "friend" unless I mean it. Actually, this was a point of contention with some former co-workers of mine once upon a time.

Quite a few years back, I was working third shift and had been on the job only a couple of weeks. I called my sister to see if she would be willing to pick me up food from a fast food place for my lunch break. (She was.) After I hung up the phone, my two colleagues questioned "What about us?"

Admittedly, I did feel a tad guilty about not checking with them. (I had just figured they were set, food-wise, for the night.) So I called my sister back and said "Would you be willing to pick something up for my co-workers, too?" (See anything wrong there? No? Neither did I.)

When I hung up the phone, the guys were still upset.

"Oh, so we're just co-workers now, huh?" (Uh, yeah, that is exactly what we were.)
"What do you mean?"
"Why didn't you say 'friends from work?'" (Because I had never hung out with them outside of the facility.)

I didn't think about it at the time, and probably wouldn't have said even if I did, but I don't use the term lightly. I have about 120 people on my Facebook right now. Minus family and acquaintances, I'd say I've got about a dozen true friends on there, give or take. I'm just fine with that.

(So why all the acquaintances? Well, I was having a hard time saying "no" to people for a while. It's not on account of some weird obsession to have as many "friends" as possible, which I swear is the motivation behind some Facebookers out there. Maybe I'll call those people Facebookhookers. Anyone who has 900 friends is a Facebookhooker. Feel free to use the term, but -- much like a
bo staff -- use it responsibly.)

Note: If you are using Facebook for business/marketing purposes and have a gajillion friends, that is totally cool with me. If that's the case, you are not a Facebookhooker. You are something else... but I don't have a term for it at this time. In the event I come up with one, I'll be sure to share. You have my word.

Anyhow, I'm thinking about adapting the Facebook story into a musical. It will be awesome.

In other news...

Lindsey Lohan is heading to jail. (I feel safer already.) Robert Shapiro has apparently quit on her. What does that say, you know? I mean, the dude defended O.J. "Clearly Guilty" Simpson. Let that sink in for a moment...

Editor's note: He means to say "Clearly Guilty in Civil Court." (Our legal department was freaking out, but this clarification should cover it.)

How sad is it that he took a look at LiLo and said "Unlike O.J., you are a real mess. I can't handle this. Call F. Lee Bailey." (From whereabouts unknown, F. Lee Bailey's ears pick up, catching that final bit. "Damn you, Shapiro," he says to the moonlit night sky, fist pumping menacingly. "Damn you!")

I'm currently -- and I mean that in the most literal meaning of the word -- listening to Phish's "Joy" (from the album of the same name). I cannot recommend this song strongly enough. It is beautiful from both a musical and lyrical perspective. Just thought I'd share that with you, my favorite peeps. Definitely worth a buck or whatever to download from iTunes or any reputable music source.

Actually, once the song is done, I'm going to play it a second time! (Not often I do something like that.)

Now, the whole "Joy" album is really good. There might be one or two tracks that make me shrug a bit, but how many albums don't have songs like that? (Answer: Not a lot.) Worth checking out if you have the funds and interest. If you're conserving money, the buck for the song "Joy" is still money well-spent.

Final thought: So, uh, does Mel Gibson just want everyone on Earth to hate him? (He could certainly use George W.'s "Mission Accomplished" banner.)


  1. Dem Crazy Russians! Thanks John. I really like Facebookhooker. I swear to use it with Donatello's reserve.

    You know, I always thought OJ stood for Outrageous Jerk but Clearly Guilty makes so much more sense. Thanks to the editors for allowing this insight to hit me after 15 years!

  2. As always, thanks for the laugh.
    I'm totally off to itunes to download Phish - LOVE those guys!

  3. Ha! Again, I would pay good money to see your musical, Facebook! (because you know, every good musical should have an exclamation point at the end)

  4. I've been hating on Mel for a long time, so this is just one more I-told-you-so.

  5. I had a friend of mine who kept calling me and introducing me to others as her colleague and it annoyed me, to be honest :) We did go to college together and then worked as professors together, but I also shared a lot of private and important moments from her and my life as well with her, and plus we hanged out together often and visited each other homes, so I've always thought it was a bit cold marking me just as her colleague.
    When it comes to your co-workers, I guess they felt hurt because sometimes you just have to make a nice move and give people a benefit of a doubt and call them friends because you do share a great amount of time every day with them and they could become close to you later on.

  6. Oh, this post is...perfection. "Facebookhookers"??
    LOVE. IT. If someone's using FB for business, they should be "fans"....not "friends". I could live w/that differentiation.

    I'm also picky (and always have been) about the term "friends" which I take seriously. I have neighbors, acquaintances and co-workers. Therefore, I do not have a million friends, period. The grey area for me is when they WERE a friend and we lost touch...then run into each other. I'm on unclear territory for that one...

  7. Dorn - You're welcome, man! (Loved the Donatello reference, especially because I was thinking Napolean Dynamite and forgot about the TMNT.)

    Jolene - I hope you enjoy "Joy." I'm more of a casual fan, but that album is outstanding and I would really like to see them peform the songs off of it live. :)

    Rebecca - The exclamation point makes a huge difference. I love it! When my little musical hits Broadway, you can tell all your friends and family that it was your contribution. (I'll even back your claims up, if you need me to.)

    Wendy - You know, if you had told me in the mid-90's what kind of d-bag he would turn out to be, I wouldn't have believed you. I mean, he always seemed more down-to-earth.

    Dez - You know, those two guys did become friends of mine and I was more than okay with using the term later on. I suppose that I tend to be a rather guarded dude and don't let people in too close very easily. But I totally see where you are coming from and what you mean.

    Kathryn - I'm not going to lie... when the term came to me, I thought I might have a winner on my hands. ;)


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