As established the other day, I'm not a fan of reality tv shows.
What wasn't established was the fact that my least favorites are ones in the vein of -- as examples -- The Hills, Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of [insert random city] and The Kardashians (not sure if that is actually the name of the show, but let's just go with it...).
See, I already have crazy/insane/eccentric friends and family. I don't need to care -- and I use that term in the loosest possible (think "Lindsey Lohan") definition -- about strangers who are just concerned with being famous. Some people, unfortunately, would think I'm weird for this, but I care more about people I actually know than those I don't. ("I knew he was strange.")
If you're wondering why I'm beating this dead horse, I'll address it in one second.
If you weren't wondering, I'll bet you are now! [How's that for piquing audience interest? Ha!]
So those reality shows really don't do it for me. [Cue the non sequitur.] In order to bolster that previous sentence, we could totally redefine "do it" as "keep the contents of my stomach down where they belong," but I'd advise against the redefinition. I mean, all husbands the world over would be totally screwed.
Guy: "Hey baby, let's, uh, keep the contents of my stomach down where they belong... if you know what I mean." *suggestive winking*
Gal: "I'm quite tired, so stop touching me already. Not. Gonna. Happen."
Guy: *weeps silently in the face of rejection*
Wolf: *howls in the distance*
Note: "Guy" was played by Dawson (of "Dawson's Creek" fame), "Gal" was played by Lady Gaga and "Wolf" was played by Justin Bieber.
Justin Bieber jokes never get old.
Speaking of jokes -- ("Wherever does he come up with those genius segues?" - Justin Bieber) -- there actually is a reality show that I thoroughly enjoy.
Didn't see that coming, did you? Neither did I, but I was reminded of it the other night.
Being a stereotypical straight guy, I'm not all that interested in stars dancing.
Being a sensitive, 90's type of guy (who is trapped in the 00's... which happens to be the plot of the screenplay I'm currently working on*), I don't like any show that calls overweight people "losers."
And being out of touch with pop music, I am not terribly intrigued to watch/listen to a bunch of wannabe idols butcher classic songs or warble through contemporary fare.
Seeing a bunch of stand-up comedians over the span of two hours from the comfort of my own couch, though? Sign me up!!
If you don't know what I'm talking about -- which I could actually see being the case for most of my posts ("Where'd the juggling monkey reference come from? I just don't get it. He IS weird.") -- NBC's Last Comic Standing pits comedians against each other to see who wins.
I enjoy stand up comedy and am not going to apologize for it. The comedians on the show need to have more talent than the Kardashian girls do when they go shopping. They aren't just getting drunk and shacking up with one another. And none of the contestants, as far as I can tell, have had even a tenth of the work done that Heidi Montag has.
So I like the show. Now let me tell you a quick story from a couple seasons back...
In the 5th season of Last Comic Standing, there was a comedian who I thought was absolutely brilliant. His name is Gerry Dee and the man had great material. Really funny stuff.
Now, for those who feel that I've been harsh on Canadians -- and I'm not one of those people... I have absolutely nothing against them (how could anyone?) -- Gerry Dee hails from the Great White North. So here is definitive proof that I'm not biased against the good people from Canada: Gerry Dee is my favorite stand up comedian.
Anyhow, the man is incredibly funny and made it to the final three. He was up against a white redneck who told "white redneck" jokes and a big black man who told "big black man" jokes. Basically, it was Gerry Dee versus two stereotypes, who were playing into their stereotypes, which I find to be rather lazy and uninspired.
Well, he lost and one of the other two won, but I don't know who did. I watched the show the entire season... except for the finale because I was that mad about it. So I have no idea if it was the redneck or the guy who should probably go on America's Biggest Loser (or Dancing with the Stars).
I could probably google it, but that seems like it'd take a lot of effort.
* Steal my award-winning (in all likelihood) movie idea and there will be consequences. Like, I won't go see it in the theater, but I MIGHT rent it when it comes out on video. Take that!