Friday, June 25, 2010

The Award-Winning Ducks!

Not a lot of time to waste today, kids, so let's get right to it!

First, and most importantly, Lydia Kang (
The Word Is My Oyster) has given Ducks Out Of A Row an award! (Specifically, the one up there.) Thank you kindly, Lydia.
"Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!" [Uh, that's you guys. Feel free to join in if you haven't already done so.] [I hope you are reading this at work right now and started chanting that at your computer. That would be awesome and it'll make for a great story for your co-workers.]

Hypothetical Co-worker of Loyal Ducks Reader: "Hi, honey."

Hypothetical Co-worker of Loyal Ducks Reader's Spouse: "So, how was work today?"

HCoLDR: "Well, it was fairly nondescript until Kevin started chanting "Speech!" in the middle of the day. The thing was, though, we weren't in a meeting or anything like that. He was just sitting there at his desk, reading some really weird blog about ducks or something, when all of a sudden he began his chant. Slowly, we all joined in. It was like this collective force of sheer camaraderie amongst us co-workers. But then the chanting fizzled as we started to realize that no one in the office was actually going to give a speech. We looked around awkwardly at each other for a bit, and then started crying. Ultimately, we all came together for a group hug."

HCoLDRS: "So it was a typical day at the office."

HCoLDR: "Yep."

[Back to you guys chanting "Speech!"]

Oh, okay. If you insist... It's not like I planned for this, but I'll see what I can do. *Pulls out ten-page speech from apparently very large pocket*

Ahem. It all started in '78. Well, not everything. I'm sure there was stuff prior to that fine year. (Unless people have been lying to me, which we can't rule out.)

Tell you what, I don't have time for the full speech, so let's just give you the Cliff's Notes version: I thank the academy (Lydia, you are now "the academy." Feel free to put that on your resume and business card), describe the tremendous adversity I overcame to get where I am today (Holland, MI), give some motivational b.s. for the youth, and then thank everyone I've ever met... and some I haven't (for example: Shakespeare, Nelson Mandela, Hemmingway, Will Smith, Tony Blair, the Green Bay Packers and the guy who invented jeans, because, well, I love wearing jeans).

Consider yourselves speechified.

So now that I've received this award from Lydia, I suppose I am finally justified in calling myself "an award-winning journalist." Prior to this, my awards were all for high school sports. But I won the awards, and is it so wrong to have included them with every self-description? (When I cook, they make me an award-winning chef. When I drive, award-winning driver. When I sleep, award-winning sleeper. Etc.)

I say "No." (Editor's note: We say "Yes, that is very wrong.")

I say those editors are a real pain in my ass.

Anyhow, I'm now an award-winning journalist. So when you guys are telling everyone you know, encounter and even those you don't know -- as I'm sure you do -- about this little blog that you're hopelessly addicted to, be sure to mention that it is written by an honest-to-goodness award winner.

Alright, here’s the deal. I was going to get to some more stuff today -- one of the most awful tv shows I’ve ever seen, an aforementioned award that I had won, probably something else – but this is already long enough. (Can we all agree on that? Yes, we can!) [I said that in my best Obama voice.]

For those who are new readers: Yes, unfortunately, this is a pretty typical Ducks post, but sometimes the posts are better than others. (You have to admit, it’d be extraordinarily weird if all posts were of the exact same caliber, every single time.) I promise new posts on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. (It occurred to me recently that I should probably mention that somewhere. Maybe the description would be a good place?) Every once in a while I put random posts up, but there is no guarantee on those.

For readers who are both new and not new: I’m going to start giving a very brief preview of the next post, just so you know what is coming up.

Monday’s post: A television show which is certainly not worthy of any awards (except those of the negative, Razzy-style variety). My heroic exploits in high school cross country. Other stuff as applicable.


  1. congrats on the award, now where are the red-carpet pics???

  2. Thans, Dez. I saw that you were on Lydia's list, too, so congrats go right back at you! :)

    I think we both know that pics are not my usual style, but you bring up a good point. If I can come up with something between now and Monday, I might have to include them on that post. No promises, though.

  3. Congrats man...maybe now you can quit picking on us Canadians...
    and maybe beiber will need a baby daddy:)

  4. Good speech! I applauded, and got odd looks, that was until the girl at the terminal next to me joined in.... ;- )

  5. Picking on Canadians, Tara? Me? I love Canadians! (Seriously.) For the record, I didn't know Bieber was from the Great White North until I did my "after writing" research.

    Hey, I need to recommend a band from some of your fellow countrymen. Dress Rehearsal -- comprised of twins Kevin and Sean Graham, and hailing from Guelph -- is the band and, in this guy's opinion, rather enjoyable.

    They have a kind of mellow, indie/alt sound and their album is called "Greens & Honey."

    You can find a preview of their music here:

    My best friend is actually Sean and Kevin's cousin. I listen to the album rather frequently and just might have to give it a mention in a future post.

    Not sure if you'll dig it or not, but thought I'd at least let you know about them. :)

  6. Lindsey, Ducks readers march to their own, out-of-a-row drum, so it probably shouldn't have been entirely unexpected from co-workers! ;)

  7. Congrats on your award and thanks for stopping by my blog and following. I'm over her following you now. :)

  8. Sarah Jayne, welcome to the Ducks! I can't remember how I stumbled across your blog, but I thought it was interesting and, obviously, decided to follow. Hope you like it here!!

  9. I just gotta you gave your speech, did you walk a red carpet? And what did you wear? From what little I know about you, I envision something like a red bath mat and you strutting in your birthday suit speaking into a shampoo bottle as you thanked Lydia ;-)

  10. Were the vuvuzelas blowing wildly as you claimed the award? If not they should have been. Congrats!

  11. Don't hold back on the awful TV show. You know I fall for stuff that's so bad, it's good.

    Otherwise, congratulations.

  12. You're TOO funny! Congrats on your award.

  13. Wendy and Dorn - Just completed a little something which will shed more insight into the award ceremony.

    SG - I wasn't about to hold back on 100 Questions.

    Steph - Thank you! :)

  14. Oh! (Sheds a tear of pride) I am so proud of you! You totally deserve this award...especially after this hilarious post. I love how the workers went from chanting "SPEECH!" to the inevitable group hug.

    Yup...just another day at the office.


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