Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Justin Bieber Contest (uh, brace yourselves for this one...)

Bet that got your attention, huh! Well, I'm sorry, but there is no J-Bieb contest here at the Ducks.

[Hmmm, should have checked with the ol' lawyer to see about "false advertisement" lawsuit potential before writing that title. Eh, next time...]

Given your newfound education on the lack of Justin Bieber contests here at the Ducks, you are most likely now asking yourselves: "Then why is the title of this post 'Justine Bieber Contest?'"

Well, the "Contest" part should be evident from anyone who read Monday's post (the anagram contest). So obviously that was still lingering in the back of my mind.

The other part comes from having a J-Bieb -- go with it, people -- rambling topic idea the other night.

See, Google, Yahoo! or MSN (I can't remember which, but they all are likely suspects...) had a list of "hot searches" that I stumbled across. Being a man of discernible intelligence, I gathered that "hot" was not literal* and actually meant "popular."

* Quick shout out to Missed Periods who had a very entertaining and highly informative post on the word "literally" last week. Since I'm not opposed to pimping a blog -- or a stranger's ride... even though they usually get pissed and are like "What the hell did you do to my car?" (Some people just don't get art.) -- check out Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares. I highly recommend it... even more than pimping people's cars with or without permission.

Anyhow, one of the hot searches was "Justin Bieber pregnant."

Hold on a sec. Let's just allow this to sink in for a moment -- Justin Bieber is probably pregnant.

[Who says civilization is on the decline?]

Admittedly, I've seen pictures of J-Bieb, but don't know much about him, aside from his pregnancy. I figure he's got something to do with music, or why else would he be famous? You never hear anymore about kids who are doctors or presidents or Supreme Court justices... It's a shame really.

Now, I could do research and find out what the kid's deal is, but I've determined that we, as a society, already waste too much time looking up dumb stuff. Annoying or not, the Bing commercials kind of hit it on the head with regard to "information overload." I mean, is my life any better now that I know Justin Bieber is pregnant?

Yeah, I suppose you're right... It probably is.

I mean, if nothing else, journalistic integrity is Goal #1 here at the Ducks. Goal #2? Win the FIFA 2010 World Cup.

If that boy is about to have a baby any minute now (and it sounds like this might very well be the case), it is my duty to keep you, the loyal readers, informed. That’s what journalists do and I consider myself to be, if nothing else, the finest journalist since that one guy who was really good at writing and reporting stuff. (I don’t particularly feel like doing the research to look up his name, but you know who I mean.)

Us journalists really need to be on top of current events. We need to keep our fingers on the proverbial pulse of society, in very cliched ways.

And if that means being there when J-Bieb delivers his child into this strange, cruel world… actually, at that point I walk away from blogging and begin my new life as one of those silent, computer-less monks.

[I could totally rock the "earthy-toned robes" look.]

Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to J-Bieb. From the pictures I've seen, he looks like a good dude. The "Justin Bieber pregnant" thing was just impossible not to comment on, though.

Addendum to the Disclaimer: Actually, it probably says more about the common folk who are conducting the searches than it does about the pop star who is about to give birth.

Editor's note: We regret to inform you that the author was not under any influence at all when writing this post. He just has a very unusual worldview and we sincerely apologize for that. Also, we're not sure why he has taken to rerferring to himself as a journalist. If we find out, we'll let you know.


  1. No words, J.M. Your "eccentricity" is charming. Your temporary fixation on Justin Bieber...not so much. ;-)

  2. Don't worry, Wendy. Once Bieber has his baby, my fixation will blow over like a middle school relationship that starts and ends during a lunch break.

    In all honesty, I did have to perform a Google search to find out what his deal is...

    Two things I learned: A) He is older than I would have thought (16 versus 12). B) He is much more Canadian that I would have thought.

    One thing I already knew: Modern pop music isn't always my cup of tea, so I'm not terribly "in the know." (Or I'm just old.)

  3. This was so. Freaking. Funny.
    Anyway, it's hard not to find the topic of "Bieber Baby" intriguing. Even for those who don't get the whole Bieber thing.

  4. So you remember your post about not caring about numbers? I wanted to say "I guarantee this post will inflate the crap out of them." Because any mention of Justin Bieber will send 12-year-old girls into a tizzy. But surprisingly when I Googled Justin Bieber Pregnant, your blog wasn't on the first 5 pages. (I went no further as it's not that good of a point)

    By the way, I'm pulling for the Ducks and their multiple personality-ed management/editing team to win that little ole world cup!

  5. pictures talk louder than words (although your words are usually very loud :) ), J.M. you should have given us a pic of Bieber being pregnant :)

  6. I'm pretty sure Justin Bieber is actually a science project that got let out in downtown Atlanta, where Usher Raymond stumbled out of a club, looked at him and said, "Why, I can turn that fetus into a star!"

    On a separate note, I have actually been to Holland, MI! We used to pop up to Traverse City for vacation when I was younger, and once on the way back to Indiana, we stopped in Holland.

    If only I had known what I had when I had it...

  7. Hey I gave you an award of my blog, btw!

  8. http://moms.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474978326552


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