Bet that got your attention, huh! Well, I'm sorry, but there is no J-Bieb contest here at the Ducks.
[Hmmm, should have checked with the ol' lawyer to see about "false advertisement" lawsuit potential before writing that title. Eh, next time...]
Given your newfound education on the lack of Justin Bieber contests here at the Ducks, you are most likely now asking yourselves: "Then why is the title of this post 'Justine Bieber Contest?'"
Well, the "Contest" part should be evident from anyone who read Monday's post (the anagram contest). So obviously that was still lingering in the back of my mind.
The other part comes from having a J-Bieb -- go with it, people -- rambling topic idea the other night.
See, Google, Yahoo! or MSN (I can't remember which, but they all are likely suspects...) had a list of "hot searches" that I stumbled across. Being a man of discernible intelligence, I gathered that "hot" was not literal* and actually meant "popular."
* Quick shout out to Missed Periods who had a very entertaining and highly informative post on the word "literally" last week. Since I'm not opposed to pimping a blog -- or a stranger's ride... even though they usually get pissed and are like "What the hell did you do to my car?" (Some people just don't get art.) -- check out Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares. I highly recommend it... even more than pimping people's cars with or without permission.
Anyhow, one of the hot searches was "Justin Bieber pregnant."
Hold on a sec. Let's just allow this to sink in for a moment -- Justin Bieber is probably pregnant.
[Who says civilization is on the decline?]
Admittedly, I've seen pictures of J-Bieb, but don't know much about him, aside from his pregnancy. I figure he's got something to do with music, or why else would he be famous? You never hear anymore about kids who are doctors or presidents or Supreme Court justices... It's a shame really.
Now, I could do research and find out what the kid's deal is, but I've determined that we, as a society, already waste too much time looking up dumb stuff. Annoying or not, the Bing commercials kind of hit it on the head with regard to "information overload." I mean, is my life any better now that I know Justin Bieber is pregnant?
Yeah, I suppose you're right... It probably is.
I mean, if nothing else, journalistic integrity is Goal #1 here at the Ducks. Goal #2? Win the FIFA 2010 World Cup.
If that boy is about to have a baby any minute now (and it sounds like this might very well be the case), it is my duty to keep you, the loyal readers, informed. That’s what journalists do and I consider myself to be, if nothing else, the finest journalist since that one guy who was really good at writing and reporting stuff. (I don’t particularly feel like doing the research to look up his name, but you know who I mean.)
Us journalists really need to be on top of current events. We need to keep our fingers on the proverbial pulse of society, in very cliched ways.
And if that means being there when J-Bieb delivers his child into this strange, cruel world… actually, at that point I walk away from blogging and begin my new life as one of those silent, computer-less monks.
[I could totally rock the "earthy-toned robes" look.]
Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to J-Bieb. From the pictures I've seen, he looks like a good dude. The "Justin Bieber pregnant" thing was just impossible not to comment on, though.
Addendum to the Disclaimer: Actually, it probably says more about the common folk who are conducting the searches than it does about the pop star who is about to give birth.
Editor's note: We regret to inform you that the author was not under any influence at all when writing this post. He just has a very unusual worldview and we sincerely apologize for that. Also, we're not sure why he has taken to rerferring to himself as a journalist. If we find out, we'll let you know.